While discussing the latest sexual impropriety bomb that has been thrown at
us by Tarun Tejpal's antics, I wrote in an FB thread that independent of the
Indian Penal Code or the revered and feared IPC, there should additionally be
an "Indian Penis Code". This organ is the source of so much trouble
that it deserves its very own code! Bemused, my dear cousin Nidhi, a former
journalist herself, said, "Didi, men think they are born with an
additional fundamental right". I agree. This is the right that they think
they are exercising when they are raping 2 year olds or throwing acid on the
faces of girls who do not want them in their lives or claiming, as Ram
Jethmalani did, that Asaram's victim had questionable integrity because she
wanted a good life! This is the right that they exercise when they physically and
emotionally abuse women who they know, sometimes women who are in their lives,
contributing immensely to their success. And why do they do it, because they
are men, and they can.
November 25th, is the International Day for Elimination of Violence Against Women. Ironically, this was the day that the doctor duo of the Talwars was found guilty of killing their daughter Arushi. It was also the day that Tarun Tejpal sought anticipatory bail for a depraved sexual assault he mounted on a female employee. It was also a day when a the debate about a woman being stalked by one of India's Prime Ministerial candidates gained momentum, On a personal level, it was also a day when someone very close to me was being counseled by a legal entity to return to her matrimonial home. This, despite the fact that she had been evicted from it and was forced to fight a trumped up case in court only because her matrimonial relatives wanted to teach her a lesson for not capitulating to their vulgar expectations.
We are in a state of social frenzy. Despite the fact that all kinds of egregious things are happening to women, our society is, in fact, increasingly vocal of its refusal to accept things lying down. This is not a good time for you if you are a sexual offender or an alleged sexual offender or a misogynist or stupid enough to be found out as one. No one is willing to take this rubbish lying down anymore. Then, there is our refusal to accept the sheer arrogance of men when dealing with women. Tarun Tejpal believed that in recusing himself from office for a period of 6 months of repentance, self flagellation or whatever he would have us believe he was going to do in that time period, would somehow absolve him of a crime and protect him from its punishment. For the life of me, I cannot understand how an intelligent man like Tarun Tejpal could tender an apology with a timeline of 6 months! If you have assaulted a woman, no matter how convinced you are that she wanted the assault, your apology should read that you are quitting till the matter is resolved by due process of redressal. If he was thinking that people in general and his eager-to-make-a-kill journalist fraternity in particular would ignore this and not come down on him like a ton of bricks, he is either a naive man or one convinced of being carried through purely by the dint of his fame. If there ever was "an awful misreading of the situation', it would have had to be this. And then, there is the sheer and well established audacity of the Narendra Modi - Amit Shah duo in pretending that they did nothing extra constitutional in extra constitutionally spying on a woman with whom it seems "saheb" was enjoying exchanges of warm and fuzzy messages and with whom it seems "saheb" had fears of being caught in a compromising position on a CD!
It makes me sick that a young 13 year old Arushi Talwar's character has been and is still being shred to bits but some people. I am not a lawyer, but I believe that a victims sexual history is of no significance to justice being served to him or her. Say, for a moment we believe that she was in fact caught in a compromising position with a much older household help. That would, in fact, tantamount to rape and for that she certainly did not deserve to be killed. Her parents have been found guilty when, in fact, there is a very good chance that they could get relief upon appeal on the basis of benefit of doubt. There are two people dead here, one a girl and another we still call a "servant" in 2013. I’ve heard people say she’s better dead than alive or else her parents would have lived in shame! Bottom line, the poor girl is dead with her character bludgeoned as her body was. Who cares whether she gets justice or not as long as salacious reporting and gossip mongering keep the wires hot! It’s just a 13 year old girl,
Tarun Tejpal decided to be sanctimonious. Then he took the time tested route of blaming the victim. He somehow 'misread' the situation not one but twice! You pull down a girl's underwear and she says no. How depraved or drunk on your own fame do you have to be to assume that it is some girlie style yes instead! If you do the same thing again, you are not misreading signals, you are simply signalling that you are a sexual fiend! I have always liked Shoma Chaudhury. She conducts herself with so much gravitas, honesty and conviction that she sets herself aside from most shrill imbeciles parading as journalists. For her to do this young victim of Tarun Tejpal such disservice can only mean two things, either that she hoped like hell to save Tehelka from this implosion and took a series of calculated missteps or she really is as much a victim of an ideology that "women are simultaneously victims of themselves as well as victims of men.." I don't know why women keep saying with pride that they are feminists! What a stupid adjective! All women are feminists. We all want to be equal to men. In fact, if men were not the "other" half and it were orangutans or beavers, we would want to be treated equally to them as well. Dignity is a universal thing. It is not vis a vis something or somebody. Where is the feminism in not having an in house committee for dealing with sexual harassment as per the Vishaka Guidelines? Where is the feminism in saying there are two sides to a sexual assault? And exactly where is the feminism in endorsing that Tarun Tejpal has somehow taken the higher ground in resigning for 6 months? Feminism is a state of mind that should manifest itself in commensurate action.
And now, to the great "Loh Purush" of India, Narendra Modi and his blue eyed thug, Amit Shah. Narendra Modi is supposed to be a celibate man only because he has not been known to have been in a relationship with a woman. Of course, if you dig deeper, chances are you will find that the public domain contains information about him having been married at some point. This self imposed celibacy has somehow added to his perceived machismo. But along comes a story that is as horrendous as it is horrifying. Stalking an object of your desire through state sponsored tools, without necessary authorizations or approvals, especially when the person being stalked presents no danger to the safety of the state, is shocking. The impunity with which it was done and is now being dismissed, is even more shocking! What is shameful is how the girl's father was interjected into the story. While "saheb" wants his voyeuristic eye on the girl, the father, most likely at the arm twisting of "saheb', now says that he had asked for surveillance on his daughter to protect her. What a joke! What is she, an object to be alternately coveted and controlled? Whatever the pathetic explanations, it is a damn shame to see the nostril flaring Nirmala Sitharaman and dead pan Meenakshi Lekhi pretending that nothing illegal was done here! Lekhi, especially, should know better. She is a lawyer. But the suspension of common sense and common decency even from women, is all too forthcoming when it comes to crimes and transgressions against women!
And then my personal grief gets added to all this. The tragedy with women like me is that we remain agnostic to the gender debate because we have been raised gender agnostic. We remain unfazed by the fact that we are far more successful than our husbands at the time of our marriages. We marry men less successful than ourselves in the belief that this disparity means nothing. But we soon find out that our “lakhon ki salary” is being discussed in hushed tones in our matrimonial households. Our husbands are being asked where our money goes. They are too emasculated by their mothers, to ask directly at first but when they do, it turns into allegations of whether we are giving money to our parents and siblings! All this while ignoring the fact that it is OUR money and we are free to give it to a monkey with scurvy if we like! The question is, why are we not directly asked for our money by our husbands and their parents? Why do a song and dance about not being concerned but then getting ulcers thinking day and night about where our money goes? The narrative soon heads into the gutter with our fathers, brothers, unmarried sisters etc being victimized, all because our matrimonial family cannot digest the fact that we do not hand over our cheques to our mothers-in-law on the 1st of every month! But the audacity of it all is that our matrimonial families claim they want nothing from us! And yet, we have to pay for our own keep. Our in-laws never return a single gift given to them at the time of the marriage or thereafter but yet, they claim not to “want” anything! Our mothers-in-law never ask their sons to contribute to the running of the house, but as soon as a daughter-in-law is added to the family, these mothers-in-law cannot digest how their “ghar ki laxmi” can eat, sleep and be comfortable in the house without making some sort of payment for enjoying the same comforts that all the other people are enjoying! If you want our money, just ask for it! It is that simple. But don’t pretend to be holier than thou. Don’t use our money to increase your loan taking abilities and create assets unless you have the decency to put down our names as part owners of the assets. Even if you are paying the EMI’s yourself, realize that without our added income, you would not be able to take a loan and build your assets. Don’t ask us to pay half or “commensurate” contribution to the running of the house and then pretend that it does not amount to a monetary contribution towards the household only because you’re paying mortgages on the assets that you have accumulated ONLY BECAUSE, our joint salaries could facilitate so.
It is tough enough being a woman. It is a miracle that so many of us survive, what with people wanting a perfect son in the womb instead of a daughter. We have periods that drain our energy every 28 days and in some cases, make us murderous or suicidal. Our egg reserves deplete all through our adult life till, in some cases, we’re left with too few to make babies with. Then there are menopause issues, osteoporosis issues and I haven’t even started talking about the rapes, dowry deaths, insinuations and professional ceilings to success! Give us a break, will ya!!
November 25th, is the International Day for Elimination of Violence Against Women. Ironically, this was the day that the doctor duo of the Talwars was found guilty of killing their daughter Arushi. It was also the day that Tarun Tejpal sought anticipatory bail for a depraved sexual assault he mounted on a female employee. It was also a day when a the debate about a woman being stalked by one of India's Prime Ministerial candidates gained momentum, On a personal level, it was also a day when someone very close to me was being counseled by a legal entity to return to her matrimonial home. This, despite the fact that she had been evicted from it and was forced to fight a trumped up case in court only because her matrimonial relatives wanted to teach her a lesson for not capitulating to their vulgar expectations.
We are in a state of social frenzy. Despite the fact that all kinds of egregious things are happening to women, our society is, in fact, increasingly vocal of its refusal to accept things lying down. This is not a good time for you if you are a sexual offender or an alleged sexual offender or a misogynist or stupid enough to be found out as one. No one is willing to take this rubbish lying down anymore. Then, there is our refusal to accept the sheer arrogance of men when dealing with women. Tarun Tejpal believed that in recusing himself from office for a period of 6 months of repentance, self flagellation or whatever he would have us believe he was going to do in that time period, would somehow absolve him of a crime and protect him from its punishment. For the life of me, I cannot understand how an intelligent man like Tarun Tejpal could tender an apology with a timeline of 6 months! If you have assaulted a woman, no matter how convinced you are that she wanted the assault, your apology should read that you are quitting till the matter is resolved by due process of redressal. If he was thinking that people in general and his eager-to-make-a-kill journalist fraternity in particular would ignore this and not come down on him like a ton of bricks, he is either a naive man or one convinced of being carried through purely by the dint of his fame. If there ever was "an awful misreading of the situation', it would have had to be this. And then, there is the sheer and well established audacity of the Narendra Modi - Amit Shah duo in pretending that they did nothing extra constitutional in extra constitutionally spying on a woman with whom it seems "saheb" was enjoying exchanges of warm and fuzzy messages and with whom it seems "saheb" had fears of being caught in a compromising position on a CD!
It makes me sick that a young 13 year old Arushi Talwar's character has been and is still being shred to bits but some people. I am not a lawyer, but I believe that a victims sexual history is of no significance to justice being served to him or her. Say, for a moment we believe that she was in fact caught in a compromising position with a much older household help. That would, in fact, tantamount to rape and for that she certainly did not deserve to be killed. Her parents have been found guilty when, in fact, there is a very good chance that they could get relief upon appeal on the basis of benefit of doubt. There are two people dead here, one a girl and another we still call a "servant" in 2013. I’ve heard people say she’s better dead than alive or else her parents would have lived in shame! Bottom line, the poor girl is dead with her character bludgeoned as her body was. Who cares whether she gets justice or not as long as salacious reporting and gossip mongering keep the wires hot! It’s just a 13 year old girl,
Tarun Tejpal decided to be sanctimonious. Then he took the time tested route of blaming the victim. He somehow 'misread' the situation not one but twice! You pull down a girl's underwear and she says no. How depraved or drunk on your own fame do you have to be to assume that it is some girlie style yes instead! If you do the same thing again, you are not misreading signals, you are simply signalling that you are a sexual fiend! I have always liked Shoma Chaudhury. She conducts herself with so much gravitas, honesty and conviction that she sets herself aside from most shrill imbeciles parading as journalists. For her to do this young victim of Tarun Tejpal such disservice can only mean two things, either that she hoped like hell to save Tehelka from this implosion and took a series of calculated missteps or she really is as much a victim of an ideology that "women are simultaneously victims of themselves as well as victims of men.." I don't know why women keep saying with pride that they are feminists! What a stupid adjective! All women are feminists. We all want to be equal to men. In fact, if men were not the "other" half and it were orangutans or beavers, we would want to be treated equally to them as well. Dignity is a universal thing. It is not vis a vis something or somebody. Where is the feminism in not having an in house committee for dealing with sexual harassment as per the Vishaka Guidelines? Where is the feminism in saying there are two sides to a sexual assault? And exactly where is the feminism in endorsing that Tarun Tejpal has somehow taken the higher ground in resigning for 6 months? Feminism is a state of mind that should manifest itself in commensurate action.
And now, to the great "Loh Purush" of India, Narendra Modi and his blue eyed thug, Amit Shah. Narendra Modi is supposed to be a celibate man only because he has not been known to have been in a relationship with a woman. Of course, if you dig deeper, chances are you will find that the public domain contains information about him having been married at some point. This self imposed celibacy has somehow added to his perceived machismo. But along comes a story that is as horrendous as it is horrifying. Stalking an object of your desire through state sponsored tools, without necessary authorizations or approvals, especially when the person being stalked presents no danger to the safety of the state, is shocking. The impunity with which it was done and is now being dismissed, is even more shocking! What is shameful is how the girl's father was interjected into the story. While "saheb" wants his voyeuristic eye on the girl, the father, most likely at the arm twisting of "saheb', now says that he had asked for surveillance on his daughter to protect her. What a joke! What is she, an object to be alternately coveted and controlled? Whatever the pathetic explanations, it is a damn shame to see the nostril flaring Nirmala Sitharaman and dead pan Meenakshi Lekhi pretending that nothing illegal was done here! Lekhi, especially, should know better. She is a lawyer. But the suspension of common sense and common decency even from women, is all too forthcoming when it comes to crimes and transgressions against women!
And then my personal grief gets added to all this. The tragedy with women like me is that we remain agnostic to the gender debate because we have been raised gender agnostic. We remain unfazed by the fact that we are far more successful than our husbands at the time of our marriages. We marry men less successful than ourselves in the belief that this disparity means nothing. But we soon find out that our “lakhon ki salary” is being discussed in hushed tones in our matrimonial households. Our husbands are being asked where our money goes. They are too emasculated by their mothers, to ask directly at first but when they do, it turns into allegations of whether we are giving money to our parents and siblings! All this while ignoring the fact that it is OUR money and we are free to give it to a monkey with scurvy if we like! The question is, why are we not directly asked for our money by our husbands and their parents? Why do a song and dance about not being concerned but then getting ulcers thinking day and night about where our money goes? The narrative soon heads into the gutter with our fathers, brothers, unmarried sisters etc being victimized, all because our matrimonial family cannot digest the fact that we do not hand over our cheques to our mothers-in-law on the 1st of every month! But the audacity of it all is that our matrimonial families claim they want nothing from us! And yet, we have to pay for our own keep. Our in-laws never return a single gift given to them at the time of the marriage or thereafter but yet, they claim not to “want” anything! Our mothers-in-law never ask their sons to contribute to the running of the house, but as soon as a daughter-in-law is added to the family, these mothers-in-law cannot digest how their “ghar ki laxmi” can eat, sleep and be comfortable in the house without making some sort of payment for enjoying the same comforts that all the other people are enjoying! If you want our money, just ask for it! It is that simple. But don’t pretend to be holier than thou. Don’t use our money to increase your loan taking abilities and create assets unless you have the decency to put down our names as part owners of the assets. Even if you are paying the EMI’s yourself, realize that without our added income, you would not be able to take a loan and build your assets. Don’t ask us to pay half or “commensurate” contribution to the running of the house and then pretend that it does not amount to a monetary contribution towards the household only because you’re paying mortgages on the assets that you have accumulated ONLY BECAUSE, our joint salaries could facilitate so.
It is tough enough being a woman. It is a miracle that so many of us survive, what with people wanting a perfect son in the womb instead of a daughter. We have periods that drain our energy every 28 days and in some cases, make us murderous or suicidal. Our egg reserves deplete all through our adult life till, in some cases, we’re left with too few to make babies with. Then there are menopause issues, osteoporosis issues and I haven’t even started talking about the rapes, dowry deaths, insinuations and professional ceilings to success! Give us a break, will ya!!
